In the lead up to Christmas, how often do you feel yourself trying to juggle the following?
- An increase in social engagements
- More work functions
- Deadlines for things to wrap up before the end of the year
- More late nights
- Less downtime on the weekend
- Greater temptations to consume more alcohol and food than perhaps we normally would
It’s common for you to feel a bit overwhelmed by all these demands and instead of feeling upbeat and cheery, you are left feeling resentful, disappointed or frustrated. One of the main reasons behind this is due to us taking on too much through an inability to say NO!
So why do some of us have difficulty or feel guilty when it comes to saying NO? In my experience, there are a few core reasons that exacerbate most people’s innate desire to help others – to a point where their own desires and ultimately happiness becomes sacrificed.
1. We need to feel loved and accepted by others
2. Concern about conflict or a confrontation
3. Lack of confidence, value or belief in our needs and wants
4. We don’t want to miss out!
So although these might be issues that warrant further attention with NET, there are some simple ways which we can frame our language to make saying NO easier!
The Yes – No – Yes Formula – or Sandwich approach to saying NO!
This little trick begins by saying Yes to yourself and protecting what is important to you. I would also add the importance of affirming this to the other person.
It continues with a matter-of-fact NO that sets clear boundaries. You should also avoid leaving the door open by saying “maybe,” as in “maybe I can say Yes to your request in the future.”
A positive No ends with a Yes that affirms the relationship and offers another solution to the person’s request.
Confused? Let me give you an example.
A friend asks you to come along for a few drinks on Monday night after work. Here’s how you can respond using the sandwich approach.
“Monday night…I am sure you will have fun…(YES) Unfortunately I have some important work commitments on Tuesday which need me functioning at 100% so I won’t be joining you…(NO) Looking forward to catching up on Sunday though! (YES)
Written by Dr Mark Symonds- December 2012
Neuro – Emotional Technique – clearing sabotages to get your mind and body on the same team!